Live long because Kellogs is slow at mailing stuff

Woo hoo! Yeah! I have been checking the mailbox religiously since October.

It only took three months to get here...but it is quality!

Hail JW!

I had to speak at church on Sunday. I nearly broke into tears when I looked in the mirror before I left for church. I had a giant zit just above my lip, right in the center. It was red and swollen. I happened to do a lot of hand gestures when I spoke. Uh...I hope no one else thought that I looked like the leader of the National Socialist German Workers Party.

Let's Make a Deal!

Let's take a trip down Memory Lane to 1970s Game Show Lane, just off Mulberry Road. It isn't a street most people are familiar with. Next to Tick-Tack-Dough and Match Game is Let's Make A Deal. Dressed in a plaid blazer, Monty Hall would select an audience member (dressed in halloween-like costume) from the crowd and offer them a chance to win a prize behind a series of doors. Some people won cars and others won catfood.


At the end of the show Monty would pay the audience for random items they had in their possession. For instance, he might offer $500 to the first person that provided him with a rubber band or $100 for every paper clip that you have. The items are always random and strange.

I tend to keep just the essentials in my purse - chapstick, sunglasses, gum and wallet, all of which would not be too beneficial on Let's Make a Deal. But this last week I have been carrying around a hammer and two golf balls** in my purse. It is a lot to lug around. If only Monty were back in action! I am sure I would rake in the dough for such rare possessions!

Most girls I come across have just the essentials in their purses, but every once in awhile someone will shock me and pull out a pair of dirty socks or a doll head. Here is to keeping Monty Hall guessing!


**I use the hammer and golf balls for physical therapy for my hand. Besides, who knows when I will suddenly need to hammer something or play a round of golf.

The Magic Word

I think that if you slap the word "Twilight" on anything these days you have a money-maker.
I was at the mall a few nights ago and wandered through the good 'ol Bath & Body Works store and KABLAM! I saw this... A new scented lotion/body wash/perfume called "Twilight Woods"!
Truthfully, the scent was a little strong, sweet and well...woodsy. All the ingredients for a "romantical" interlude. I dabbed a bit on my hand and then spent the night worried that I might have been stalked or even bitten because I smelled so darn good. I sure am lucky that my windows were locked tight.

(I think that tomorrow I will have to go out and buy some Twilight toilet paper to go with my new Twilight bath mat and hand towels - a set with Jacob and Edward featured because I just can't decide who is prettier.)

Saturday Nightro!

What do you do on Saturday nights? Go down and throw rocks in the lake?

Not always. I was recently introduced to the underground world of ROLLER DERBY!

At the Del Mar fair grounds, one of the "San Diego Derby Dolls" teams, the Hard Corps, went up against a team from Humboldt.

VS.

Basically two teams of five people each skate around a track. One of the team members (the pivot) sets the pace around the track, three members try to block while one member from each team, the jammer, tries to pass through the pack, lap the team and pass through again. The jammers score points for the number of opponent team members they pass.


As you can see, there is a lot of protective equipment, helmets, knee pads, etc. It is a competitive shoving match around the track and can be quite exciting, even brutal.

The best part are the team member names, like OB Vicious or Heidi Evidence. One girl's number was #U (pound). Ha!

This is "Buster Scullin", "Flogging Ollie", and "Jenniferocious".
Yes, we are a mean looking bunch! You wouldn't want to meet us in a dark alley at night, especially when we have our skates on! (Or at a lake, because we might have rocks in our pockets.)

"I'm a Monster!"

What don't I have in common with Buster Bluth? He started out like this:

And ended up like this:

"I'm a monster!"
"Aaaauuuuuurrrrrggggghhhhh!" (Insert generic scooby doo bad guy noise here.)

Yikes!

October is such a spooktacular month!!! I love the chill in the air and the chills down my spine when ghoulish things are out and about. I like fake blood, scars and sticky eyeballs, not to mention the sugar high I am on.

I even got this haunting flower arrangement, thanks to Gail and Alban (from awesomeflowers.com) It is truly awesome! Check out the hidden spider and web! Talk about creepy! And I am sure you are eager to see the scariest Halloween costume ever: Me as a sister missionary. Yikes! (It is just a costume folks.)

The trip of all trips

After I took a trip here...
I ended up like this: A broken radius and ulna. One of which punctured the skin to cause this beauty.
It smarts like the dickens.

(No, I didn't actually trip. I fell off of a bike.)

A HUGE THANKS to Susan & Paul, Keri and the fam for taking care of me and for all of your prayers!

!101!

Today my grandfather turned 101! Happy Birthday Grandpa!
I hope to be as sharp as he is when I am half his age. This is a picture of Grandpa looking quite dapper. It was taken a few years ago (in 2005 outside of the Logan Temple) in Logan Utah where he still resides.


**And now a couple of really nice palindromes to finish off this post to celebrate my Grandpa's 101st birthday:
Was it a cat I saw?
A man a plan a canal panama.
Wow!

They call me "Ms. Eloquent"

A year ago I mailed off a "Congrats on the Wedding" card to a friend of mine. It was returned shortly thereafter due to an incorrect address. I got busy. It has been a year. I finally contacted my friend for her current address. I decided she deserved a fresh card, so I wrote out a nice little message, part of which reads: "...Congratulations on the wedding and anniversary. May you have many more happy ones." Uh. Then I shoved a nice "(anniversaries)" after it to clarify that I do hope their actual wedding holds up and that the "many more happy ones" refers to the anniversaries. Geez. I should really write a rough draft first.

Beard Season

"Git yer boots an' hunt'n cap on! It's beard season!"

I think beard season came early this year. All of a sudden there is facial hair everywhere I look. It is sweeping the nation. Friends, co-workers, grocery store clerks, terrorists.

Today I opened the newspaper and saw this:

Think about it.

(And no, reading the comics isn't the only reason I open up the newpaper. Sometimes I am checking on the weather.)

Wicked Time

A year or two ago I had the opportunity to go see the hit musical "Wicked" with my coworker, Gail, up in Los Angeles. The traffic was terrible and we ended up getting there late and we missed the first bit of the show. (Tragic, I know.)

When we found out that "Wicked" was coming to San Diego, Gail organized the purchase of tickets for a sizable group of coworkers. For months now, I have stared at the marked calendar and the ticket sitting on my desk. Finally Wednesday night was the night!

I left work in plenty of time to go home, eat and change clothes. In fact, I had so much time that I watched some TV and messed around on the internet a bit. I had it in my head that the show started at 7:30 pm.

Around 6:38 pm I was changing my clothes and trying to figure out which shoes to wear. I decided to check my wallet for the ticket to make sure it was in there. Yep I had it. A nice shiny ticket...revealing that the show started at 7:00 pm!

I flew out the door around 6:43 pm and jumped in my car. I said a prayer and spent the rest of the trip to the theater yelling at traffic. (Nothing was said that I couldn't repeat in mixed company or in front of my Mother.) Traffic was barely inching. I kept looking at the clock...6:48...6:52...feeling as though there was no hope of making it on time. I thought about turning around to go home. And then suddenly it cleared up. I found myself rushing down the fast lane, actually going fast! 6:56 just exiting the freeway. 6:57 stopped at a red light waiting to get into the parking garage...then waited for the parking attendant to give me my parking receipt and then waited for the elevator. I scurried across the courtyard-ish area as the warning bell was ringing.

I don't know how He did it, but I think the Lord stopped time. Somehow I made it to the show with minutes to spare.

Tender mercies. I did see the opening of the show. That helps. The show makes a lot more sense to me now.

Commercials

Sometimes I think it would be awesome to sit around and make up commercials. There are so many lame ones out there that I think mine would fly pretty well.

I have to hand it to the Starburst folks. I do get a kick out of their commercials.

This first one is a couple of years old and kind of creepy, yet oh so amusing.



"Berries and Cream. Berries and Cream. I am a little lad that loves berries and cream."

The second is the scarecrow one new this summer...good stuff.

Contradictions

I was at the movies last week and I saw this commercial for Starburst candy. I laughed outloud.



For those unable to see it, it depicts a contradiction (a Scotch-Korean) eating another contradiction - a Starburst candy that is a solid, yet juicy like a liquid. (Funny stuff.)

Today at work I tried one of these, another contradiction of sorts. It is an organic lollipop (from Trader Joe's). Organic and lollipop shouldn't go together...or should they? I tried pomegranate flavor and it was quite delightful.



They come in an assorted container of Watermelon, Pomegranate, Orange, Lemon, and Raspberry and they are colored with natural vegetable colorants (like carrots, turmeric, etc). They're still made primarily of sugar, but they're organic and have no artificial flavors or colorants. They are fat-free and gluten-free and a mere 25 calories per pop.

Tasty and "won't kill you as fast as some stuff". Wow! Almost too good to be true!

Aunts and Debutants

I had the pleasure of babysitting my niece this weekend. I only had to call my mom once for advice. Yep. I am that good.

The kid came with a boat-load of supplies. I used most of them within the first hour.


When I was feeding Callie, I tried to give her a food mustache with some vegetable risotto. Don't worry. I washed most of it off.
Too bad she won't remember these good times like I will.

I Can't Help It...

Sometimes bathroom humor just cracks me up.

(Beanie reads "Moe's - Eat Here and Get Gas")

Health Scents

"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson

I don't know who Doug is, but truer words were never spoken. I mean, have you smelled broccoli?

A little Self Control is all I ask...

I was in Idaho last week. On my short (1 hour?) flight from Boise to Salt Lake City, I was sitting in the back of a tiny plane (maybe 50 seats) and across the isle from me was a guy and a girl. He lived in Vegas and she in LA. They just met right there on the plane (as I heard their introductions). During the flight I could hear the girl laugh and the two of them chatted the whole way. (He was chewing tobacco and carried his own glass which he spat into. Mid-flight he went to the water-closet and gave it a rinse. She was reading a reflexology book and works as a counselor. They both looked like quality people.) I was engrossed in my own book and didn't pay them much attention, but as we were hitting the runway, I put down my book and glanced over. The two of them were making out! Hands were running up each other thighs and what not! I had to avert my eyes. (I almost told them to get a room, but I have a feeling that is exactly what they did.)

Amazing. Not that these two will have any sort of a relationship, but c'mon! Within an hour of meeting? It was a bit much. If you are going to make out in public, at least know the dude's first and last name. And please, don't do it when I am stuck on a plane with you.

One of THOSE Days - Part 2

In case you were all wondering how my terrible, no good, very bad day turned out...I had a yearly check-up scheduled with the doc yesterday afternoon. Those are not fun no matter how you slice them. Breast exam, pap smear, blood work, x-ray and skin biopsy. Ugh.
Let's just say I haven't shaved for over a week. The lucky doctor got to see my armpit hair during the breast exam which I giggled through. I couldn't help it. I felt like such a dork.
I suppose when I am nervous I talk about all sorts of dumb stuff. As I was being examined I was reading the body charts and I mentioned the old Encyclopedia Britannica commercial where the nerdy kids says, "I've always wondered where my mandibula was" as he touches his neck/jaw area. Isn't it mandible?
And to top off the day, my favorite dancer (Janette) got kicked off of "So you think you can dance". Boo!
I was glad to go to sleep last night.

One of THOSE Days

I have had nothing but trouble.
Today, upon arriving at work, I found that I had peaks where I shouldn't have and that I had no peaks were I should have. That is bad.
When I was in the lunch room washing my hands, I took a paper towel and the whole stack fell out with it.
I was filling a paper cup with ice and water from the fridge. When I went to take a drink, I noticed something dark at the bottom of my cup. I dumped it out and there, seemingly glued to the bottom of the cup, was a fly. Yuck.
Then, in the ladies room I thought I was dieing until I remembered that I had beats for dinner last night. You know what I mean.
I think I should go back to bed.

Death to Stevie?

So, today in the lab I found myself humming Stevie Wonder's "I just called to say I love you" song. When realizing what I was singing, I blurted out, "I hope Stevie Wonder dies soon so that we can hear his music all day on the radio." I got dirty looks and scowls of disapproval. "Because I like Stevie Wonder." I explained, but the damage was done. (For those unaware, Michael Jackson was on the radio for days straight at the announcement of his death. DAYS.)

I don't really wish death upon anyone in particular, not even my arch nemesis, Anders J. Smith.

Sorry Stevie. I just wish they would play some good music every once in awhile.

Fair Food

I hope you know that we are smack-dab in the middle of San Diego Fair season. I love it. So much to do. So much to see. So much to eat.This year the new thing at the fair is the zucchini weenie - that's right - a hot dog inside of a zucchini and all of it fried. I did not get to taste that anomaly. I did, however try the chocolate covered bacon. Two fantastic things should be even more fantastic together. The consensus? - Not delicious, but not disgusting either. They keep it refrigerated. It is basically salty/smoky chocolate.
Our next interesting food find was from the Indian fry bread stand. We had a coupon for a free drink, so we chose the lemonade. After scarfing down a bite of some tasty fry bread I took a sip of some cold refreshing yellow liquid. Although tainted with a hint of lemon, the main flavor was...windex!?! Seriously folks. It was nasty. Like licking a sour mirror. We disposed of our free tonic prior to its depletion. Perhaps the lemonade had "turned" or been spiked. Let's hope it was, because if you think that tasted like lemonade, life must suck for you. (The next day at work I asked my coworker if alcohol tastes like windex. He said it tastes more along the lines of IPA or rubbing alcohol. Windex contains IPA. I looked it up. Dah-dah-duh. I might have been drunk off of skank lemonade. No wonder I love the fair.)

Kids these days...

They are sissy. They are soft. They need to be toughened up and they need to learn to wipe their own tooshies. (I say this because I have no kids.)

What happened to good old fashioned spit on a fresh wound? Now the world is full of antiseptics and soap for goodness sake!

And how many of us have fallen off a trampoline and lived to tell the tale? I have vivid memories as a kid - being at the Burgess home and flying off their trampoline, landing on my back with a thud, feet still in the air. Good times, good bruises and good memories.



These days the trampolines are made "safe" with enclosures or netting to prevent the occasional imminent casualty. Humph.

Sissy.*

(*If I ever have a trampoline for my kids, it will have a net.)

Cincinnati Megs

A week ago I moved from La Jolla back to the good 'ol UTC area where I took over my pal Megan's spot since she is headed to Ohio. I have spent the last week unpacking my stuff and in the mess I found a couple of things that belong to Megs...one of which was a box of hand-made masquerade masks. I informed her that they were here (and I would hold them ransom until she brings me the garage door opener). She is incredibly talented and I would hate for the masks to go to waste. Me lounging around the new pad. Me reading. Me exercising.

Just the normal every day to day business.

Here is to Megs and her talents! Best of Luck in Ohio!!!

Fragile

I must be Italian.
Sadly, these are my legs. (Almost too gross to post, but we are all friends here, right?)

For Memorial Day I went to a lake and attempted some water sports (wake boarding). I think the water won.

Ettiquete at the Mat

Last night I spent the evening doing laundry at the old apartment since it is cheap and I can do 4 loads at once. If you have ever done laundry in a public place, there is an unspoken rule, that you don't handle anyone else's load unless completely necessary. At that point you find a load that looks the least personal. Steer clear of anything resembling underwear, but instead go for the jeans or the blankety-type stuff.
You guard your underwear like you do an ugly child. You keep it out of view when others are present. It stays in the basket, the washer or the dryer and the transfer from one to the other is as fast as possible. No one needs to see any one else's skivvys. Unlike the movies or those old Saturday Night live sketches, you don't sit and fold your underwear there at the laundromat, you get it and bolt.That is only one reason I hate doing laundry. The stress of underwear protection is quite taxing.

Well, after all my precautions last night at the ol' mat, I just blew it all out the window. As I was getting out of my car this morning at work, a piece of underwear fell out of the car as I opened the door!!! It had been wedged between the door and the seat. I looked down in shock and horror and then flung them back into the car, scanning the lot for possible onlookers. Uh... if anyone saw, could I perhaps pass them off as a handkerchief?
(Luckily it was just a pair of black cotton "brief" work-out underwear for exercising in and not my batman underoos.)

Saw It...

I know, you wish there was a movie out there staring me as a lumberjack.

It is true, I have sawed a log a time or two...


but for now you will just have to settle for Hugh Jackman in a leather jacket acting as a lumberjack in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
I know life is tough and you can't always get what you want. Too bad for you.

Deaf Leopards and Jay-Dubs

So my ear infections ended in a couple of ruptured eardrums which resulted in me being only mostly deaf.

Being mostly deaf stinks! I would say it is akin to visiting a foreign country. People all around you are talking, some perhaps to you, some maybe about you, but you don't have any idea. You can't talk to anyone because you can't hear or understand what they say back.



I am ever-so conscious of my breathing, swallowing, singing, and chewing since all of these sounds are amplified in my head while all other sounds are muted. Singing at church was quite excruciating. Most songs ended up in a lip sync. At work I attended a lunch lecture last week. Anytime I ate a chip I had a good 30 seconds of just crunching in my head as the lecturer pantomimed and moved soundlessly about.

On the plus side: I can ignore people. I sometimes hear violins playing in my head. I can sort of hear people better on the phone than I can if they were standing next to me. My co-worker gave me flowers (with a card that says "I'm Sorry you can't hear right now"). And the rodeo is still action-packed and exciting, even muted!

(No animals were harmed in the posting of this blog.)

It is always better to be overdressed than underdressed

My good pal Susan was visiting from Utah and we met up for breakfast at a place called 'The Naked Cafe". I was relieved to find out that it was not on Black's Beach. Susan informed me that "it has breakfast...the breakfast is nude. We should come clothed..." Glad I did. Now I see why it is always better to be overdressed than underdressed.

Okay, so knowing that naked here refers to natural and fresh, I expected to see things like this on the menu:

Morning Glory Pancakes
Three pancakes with oats, almonds, raisins & fresh strawberries

Fuzzy Monkey Pancakes
Three Pancakes with roasted grains and fresh bananas

Naked Cereal
Naked's blend of grains, almonds, a hint of brown sugar and raisins

(Obviously I did see those on the menu.) There were plenty of fruits and nuts on the menu just like the patrons that ate there.
My Naked experience was actually quite excellent. Susan and I split the following two meal items:

Coconut French Toast
Grilled with shredded coconut, topped with a fruit, puree & powdered sugar

Artichoke Scramble
Eggs, cheese, green onions and tomatoes served with herbed potatoes and toast

They were both quite flavorful and unique. After lovely conversation and that "healthy" meal, I went home and hugged a tree. It just felt right.

(Thanks for the visit Susan!)

"You Smell Maaavelous"

One of my biggest fears is smelling bad and not knowing it. Seriously. It is the stuff my nightmares are made of.


By the way, I can't tell you how many pictures I've altered using just my mad skills. Now I have found an easier way. It is called FACEinHOLE
You should try it out.

I love this kind of stuff. And apparently Cary Grant loves me. Wah wah wah.