Quote of the Day

"The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you can never know if they are genuine." - Abraham Lincoln

Warm Fuzzies

It is Christmas Season! It is the time of year people are more kind and loving. They think about family and loved ones. Heartwarming stories are abundant.

Here is one just for you:

I was having some deep thoughts about if I mattered to anyone. (Triggered by an old woman in my parent's ward at church that grew up thinking she was worthless and insignificant.) Haunting dreams of empty funeral homes would wake me from a restless sleep. Then suddenly, in the dead of night I was filled with great hope and I realized that I do make a difference in this world! The Vons near me didn't have any Quaker Oatmeal with cinnamon flavoring (no cinnamon spice, no cinnamon roll, not even cinnamon spice with gross raisins). I asked them to order some and they have been stocking it ever since. I am not the only one that buys it, so someone somewhere out there appreciates me, whether they know it or not. I can hold my head high. The funeral home may still be empty, but at least someone's stomach won't be.

The end.

May all your Christmases be Merry!

Winning!

I don't gamble, but I do take part in our Football Pool at work. Each week I circle some team names and turn it in. This week I won! The following is the email that went out stating that I had won and then the boss's response:

From: RC
Sent: Monday, November 07, 2011 8:53 AM

Subject: Football Pool Week 9: Result

CONGRATULATIONS to Jenny with 8 points!

From: The Boss
Sent: Monday, November 07, 2011 9:43 AM
Subject: Re: Football Pool Week 9: Result

what the hell

The aftermath...

It was a rock'n All Hallows Eve.

I endured the imminent sleepless night that follows the consumption of a sugar overload and remnants of horrors seen. Last night's festivities consisted of hot chocolate made from hot fudge, sugar cookies, pumpkin bread & banana loaf as well as homemade pizza and dips of all sorts all combined with a dish of Alfred Hitchcock suspense.

And you have only heard the tales, but I saw actually saw the infamous Headless...Dogman! I hope your night was as thrilling!

I do my best...

The other night I was cooking up some indian food (really I was microwaving a frozen dinner version of indian food). I had naan baking in the oven and decided to cook some broccoli for the vegetable. As it was all cooking I said to my roommate, "I am really sorry about the indian food smell." She replied, "That's okay. The broccoli smell is covering it up."

Ha.

You're Welcome Alanis!

I am sure you have all been to an amusement park and seen a group or family all dress alike. Heck, you may have been the leader of one of these matchy-matchy incidents. Usually the family or group dresses in an alarmingly bright color so that they can spot one another in a crowd. I happened to be at Disneyland the other day and saw a family traipsing down the street to the park entrance wearing camouflage shirts. But isn't the point of camouflage to blend in and not be seen? (For instance, the girl pictured above is barely visible!)



Here are some real good lyrics that should be added to Alanis Morissette's "Ironic" song:


"It's a family that wears camouflage to stand out in a crowd
Isn't it Ironic..."

Yeah. You're welcome Alanis.

Say Cheeeeeese

This weekend I was at a gathering in which I was standing at the food table (odd, I know) chatting with a friend. He was excited that they had a cheese platter and were serving Harvati cheese, since that is one of his favorites. He asked what my favorite cheese was and the classic line of Amanda Bines saying "I like gouda" came to mind. I started to chuckle and said, "Have you seen the movie, 'She's the Man'?"
He replied, "You mean 'Cheese the Man'?" Then he scolded me, "Stay on Topic!"

Don't worry, he knew what I was talking about. Ha.

I like swiss.

Southern Exposure

This week has been like no other week of my life.

I am in charge of the marketing at work and our company was chosen to be featured on a television program called "American Builders".

They feature some of the finest home builders around the country. The film crew was here this week and I did a lot of the scheduling. I spent Monday and Tuesday with Shane and Donna from South Carolina getting footage of our homes, staff and clients. (I might even be on television!) Friday I spent driving them around San Diego to get classic footage of the city - from Balboa Park and the Midway to the Del Mar race track and all that we could get in-between.

It was a blast meeting them and learning about their southern lifestyle and experiences. It is amazing that southerners can be so charming and endearing even when talking about eating squirrel for breakfast.

I have been dreaming in a southern accent all week!

Tuacahn

Last weekend my sister and I went to Utah to see the Little Mermaid (Broadway Style) at the famous Tuacahn theater in the red rock hills of St. George.

Before the show we attended Sebastian's dinner, which consisted of a cafeteria style food served in the...cafeteria. It was actually quite tasty! I could have eaten another plate full of Jamaican jerk chicken and sweet potato casserole. The tables were large and round so you just sat and ate with strangers. Two older couples joined my sister and I at our table. We had a fabulous time chatting. They have been friends for 50 years and have traveled around the world together. They were a hoot! They told us about a trip to New Orleans. As the story goes according to the men, their wives were shopping so the men took a seat on a curb to relax while they waited for their wives. All of a sudden a pair of panties came floating down from the sky (It rained panties from heaven!). One of the men picked it up just as their wives approached. With wide eyes the man's wife said, "Put that down! And wash your hands!" It was hilarious.

The theater itself is amazing, with red canyon walls as the back drop of the outside open theater. The production of The Little Mermaid was also absolutely jaw-dropping from the costumes and sets to the acting. Whoever played Eric and Ariel did awesome!

Thunder and lightning threatened rain during the performance, and at one point King Triton held up his trident and thunder struck! A-MAZ-ING!

St. George was hotter than the hubs of you-know-where. It was so hot that I thought someone had spilled water on me when I stood up at intermission, but I was just damp from perspiration. No strangers to heat, Tuacahn was prepared with "misters" misting the crowd at the top of the stadium and I was relieved to see that they were serving the proper flavors of snow cones at intermission.

All in all the folks at Tuacahn really put on a fabulous show! Two thumbs way up.

If ducks had arms...

Many many moons ago the inside door handle broke on my car and I had to roll down the window (almost Dukes of Hazard style) to get out of my car. After awhile of doing this, my window started having problems and it wouldn't roll up all the way. It would roll up partially and then I would have to wait a few minutes to roll it up a bit more and then a bit more until it was completely rolled up. I eventually got the handle fixed and at the time didn't want to spend the big money for them to fix the window. Months have gone by without my giving much thought to the window. I suppose I haven't rolled it down much, until this week.

After getting gas, I drove up to the drive-through car wash and rolled down my driver side window to punch in the secret code. I rolled up the window and drove forward as instructed. I enjoy the car wash; with the sprays and the lights that flash and the beating sound on the car as the water hits it. It is a lot of kicks. I hadn't noticed that the window didn't roll up all the way and that a crack remained. As I watched the approaching spray of the pre-rinse cycle ascend upon my car I was shocked as cold water came shooting through the crack. I grabbed for the window button and pulled up to see the crack get only minutely smaller. I couldn't pull forward or back up, so I grabbed some napkins from my glove box and tried to enjoy my second shower that day. I had paid extra for the tri-foam and wax coat. Now my left arm has a "Richard Simmons" shine and water rolls off of it like I'm a duck.

Brain Power

You recall that it is July.

And it was 7/11 a few days ago.

So in my hunt for slurpees I kept thinking about 7-eleven and their slogan, "Thank Heaven".

That made me sing that song "Thank heaven for little girls", which reminded me of the movie "My Father the Hero".

Now I can't get it off of my mind.

I really want to watch this.

It came out in 1994 and has a witty yet disturbing plot: A teenage girl on vacation in the Bahamas with her divorced father tries to impress a potential boyfriend by saying that her father is actually her lover.

Gross sounding, but I remember liking it.

What the heck, Brain? Like the need for a drug, I can't get it out of my head and I don't think I can continue life without watching this soon...

Its Joo-ly!

July is full of celebrations of freedom. I am not just talking about Independence Day, I am also talking about July 11th. 7/11 means free Slurpees at 7-Eleven. Apparently too many of you know it because I tried to hit up 2 different 7-Elevens today and was turned away, parched. Both has signs on the door that they had run out of 7.11 oz cups.

Dear 7-Eleven,

You should run out of Slurpee before you run out of cups.

Signed,
A disgruntled non-customer who didn't get their free slurp of Slurpee


Jerks!

Odd Combinations

No. I am not talking about Sonny and Cher. I am talking about food. Obviously.

Last year my roommate and I had a discussion on odd food combinations that ended up being quite good. Here are some of the particulars on our list:

Tomatoes and Cottage Cheese
Pickle and Cheese Sandwiches
Grilled Cheese dipped in Chocolate Milk
Tomato Soup with Popcorn
Hot Dogs in a Twinkie (as the bun)
Chocolate covered Bacon
Tuna and Corn (?)

(Actually, tuna and corn shouldn't have made the "quite good" section of the list.) I haven't tried everything on the list, but I am willing to do so.

I did come up with something rather tasty this last week. I cooked cheese raviolis and slapped a bottle of cheap-o spaghetti sauce on top and then added pineapple chunks. So Ravioli with tomato sauce and pineapple can be added to the list. This may sound gross to you until you realize that it is actually a deconstructed Hawaiian pizza:
Dough/crust=Pasta
Cheese=filling
Sauce=sauce
Hawaiian Pizza toppings=pineapple

It was dern tasty and I would eat it again!

I will update the list in a few weeks after I have been to the San Diego County Fair! Always a place I turn to for food ingenuity and clogged arteries!

Devil Mobile

Today on the way to work I was riding next to a cute little turquoise mini cooper. Then I saw the driver: kind of sketchy looking, but I am not one to judge. Then I saw the license plate: XSATANX.

Whaaat?

Of all the cars out there, Satan drives a mini coop!?!

...Then again, isn't it obvious? Coop Devil.

(pa-dum-ching!)

Monday Blues got you down?

These would make excellent bumper stickers:

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

Jesus loves you. It's everybody else that thinks you're a jerk.

Think "honk" if you're telepathic

As I said before, I never repeat myself

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

You're Welcome.

Potent Portables for $200 Alex

Most of us at one time or another have driven behind a truck with cut hay or grass flying out of it. Even with windows up, I can't help but hold my breath, duck my head and squint my eyes when hay and dirt are pummeling toward my windshield. You can imagine my reaction when I had the opportunity to drive behind a porta-potty on the move down the freeway. No doubt there was a long trail of toilet paper whipping out of the door like a kid's balloon, hurtling towards my car. Seriously, how much toilet paper can one porta-potty hold? It just kept coming! After a series of head bobs and girly screams, I feel like I need a bath.

Sibs

My sister kills me. She doesn't think she is funny, but she is. Happy Birthday KDW!

Spit-Shine

In our church, we don't have custodians that clean the churches, instead the members have the "opportunity" to clean the church. Our ward begins as early as 7:30AM on Saturday morning! I went this morning and my hands still stink like the rubber gloves I wore. P.S. Girls are dirty! The bathrooms were oober gross this morning.

A few months ago I was assigned to dust the Relief Society room. I was wiping down the chairs and then moved to the piano to find that there where a bunch of sticky red fingerprints on the keys. It looked like a little kid was halfway through eating a jam sandwich and then decided to play the piano with it instead. I went into the hall to get some window cleanser and papertowel. I got the papertowel but the cleansers were being used by people cleaning the windows. I found someone with some cleanser and asked for him to squirt my papertowel for me. He literally gave me one squirt. I looked at the minimally damp papertowel and at him and decided not to bother asking for more. I took what I was given and hoped it would get the gunk off the keys. Back in the RS room I cleaned the keys (making beautiful music as I didso). There had been just enough cleanser to get the job done. Then I looked down at the piano seat to see the smears of red goo there! Ugh. I didn't want to bother hunting down someone for one more shot of cleanser, so I spat onto the bench and wiped it down. That is right folks. I spit-shined the piano bench in the RS room at my church. It looked good and shiny when I was done with it.

(I can post this now that the bench has recently been cleaned with some real cleanser.)

Next post: Elbow Grease...

Highlights

No, I am not talking about my hair. (I have been a'natural lately.)

Here are a couple of highlights from last weekend...

Superheroes -
One of my BFFs, the great Lambini and her husband, Destiny, visited San Diego. We went whale watching, which was awesome! He is a doctor and she is a nurse. We got to talking about work. Lambini and Destiny talked about saving people's lives and also people dying on them in the hospital. It was an intense conversation. They have a hand in keeping people alive or letting them die! Then I told them what I had done at work that day...don't worry, my job is practically as important. I took some pictures of a muddy dirt lot on a muggy morning (so none of the pictures turned out well enough to use) and then in the afternoon I transferred music from one computer to a laptop for the bossman. (Talk about feeling worthless as an individual in society!) But really, I made the boss happy, so I guess you could say that I am saving lives - of all those who have to deal with the bossman everyday.

Closets -
At church we were talking about prayer. One woman brought up how difficult she found it to have time for meaningful, sincere prayer when she is busy running around, taking care of kids all day, etc. People shared their advice on how to find time to sincerely pray. One sweet girl raised her hand and said that her dad was in the military and the only time he got alone was "in the bathroom, with his pants down." She continued by talking about finding a private place to pray and she quoted the scripture in Matthew 6:6 "But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret..." only she didn't say closet, she said "water-closet"! No one said anything, but I couldn't help giggle.

I'd like to make a Dedication...

This one goes out to my sister. Not because of hygiene issues, but because of Inspector C.!!!

Mickey, Gus, Timothy, Bernard, & Bianca

I don't care how cute Disney makes them look. Mice are still totally gross.

Especially their droppings.

Cookoo for Cookies

Girl Scout Cookie season brings out the best in all of us.

This is an article posted on "The Globe and Mail" today:

"Woman attacks roommate over Girl Scout cookies

Hersha Howard is a different kind of Cookie Monster.
The Naples, Fla. woman is accused of attacking her roommate for taking her Thin Mints Girl Scout cookies.

The roommate, Jasmin Wanke, told police she was sleeping when Ms. Howard burst into her bedroom, freaking out that Ms. Wanke had eaten her Thin Mints.

Ms. Wanke protested, saying she offered the cookies to Ms. Howard's children because they were awake and hungry at 1 a.m.

That's when things turned: Ms. Howard allegedly hit her roommate in the face, bit her breast, chased her around with a pair of scissors, hit her with a board and then a sign.

She is charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.

Although this case is exceptional, roommate co-habitation doesn't end well in many cases. "

I LOVE how the article ends! Co-habitation can be rough, but if you are going to go nuts over some cookies, it better be thin mints.

Space Invaders of the Vons Kind

A week or so ago, my roommate Lisa and I were on our way to a dinner party but we had to make a quick stop by the grocery store (Vons) first.
Like most people in a hurry, when we were waiting to check-out, we each stood in two different lines to see whose would go faster. Lisa stood in the self check out line that stretched far down the aisle but had 4 possible portals. I stood in a regular line that looked like it had the least number of people/food items. Lisa had the groceries with her, so I stood empty handed behind a man with a cart. My line was on the verge of blockage - it was so long that if I stood behind the man in front of me, I would be blocking all traffic flow, so I tried to move the line a bit sideways by standing next to the man. Don't worry. I drew a lovely diagram for you... Now that you get the picture, picture me, empty handed, walking up to a stranger in line and standing right next to him. Once I was there, I felt so awkward.
Lisa was so far down the aisle that she couldn't be seen, so I couldn't even motion to her to show him that I had a partner in crime that I was holding a spot for or anything. I just came off like a complete loon. He kept giving me odd looks, which I kept ignoring.
It seemed like a good five minutes passed without our line budging an inch, so I couldn't even get behind the guy like normal.
Finally Lisa appeared in her line and slowly moved up in ranks so that I was able to give up my post. All were relieved.

Never Too Old

Today as I was driving out and about, I pulled up next to an old lady in a shiny Mercedes who I noticed was dancing - bopping her head and drumming/tapping her fingers on her steering wheel. I thought maybe she had parkinsons, but no, there was definitely a beat. I was shocked that someone so old would be rocking out in their car. I quickly turned off my radio (Enrique Iglesias) and rolled down my window to try to hear what she was listening to. Sadly, the light turned green and she sped off. The world may never know what she was listening to. You are probably guessing Frank Sinatra or Michael Buble, but you didn't see her purple haired head bouncing about. I am guessing it was Nine Inch Nails.

Since When?

I just opened a chocolate covered fortune cookie. I was shocked to see that one side of my fortune was written in English and the other side was written in...Spanish!? Since when did Hispanics become one of the top 2 fortune cookie consumers?

Now that's Punny!

My friends Susan and Paul love puns. The two of them can exchange puns back and forth like they are playing ping-pong. This one is for you guys:

When I was at home over Christmas break I was telling the folks about my trip to Europe and a picture of the Roman Colosseum came on the television.
My dad said, "Have you been there?"
I said, "No. I didn't make it to Rome."
He answered, "Yes you have." (My parents had gone to Rome when my Mom was pregnant with me.)
I said, "Yeah, but I had a womb without a view."

Pa-dum-ching!

Goals...not the soccer kind

Ah. The new year. We all know that this time of year comes with new goals and resolutions. Along with the universal resolve to exercise, a lot of talk has been going around about developing new talents or even rekindling old talents.

Maybe I should pick up an Etch-a-sketch again.

Over Christmas break I found this in a box. It has been shaken a bit, but you can faintly see the outline of a groovy man (in bell-bottom pants and curly hair - hence the groovy) standing next to a leafy tree with a bench near and a partially cloudy/sunny sky. I probably etched this one 9 or 10 years ago.
The next picture is from 6 or 7 years ago when I etched a portrait for a service auction. My only problem is, what the heck good is a crumby talent like this? Perhaps God used it to draw the construction of the earth.